


The Regrets We Live With

by Katicha



Series: Grudges and Regrets [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Hurt, Secret Relationship, Smut, a little smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 22:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14903688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katicha/pseuds/Katicha
Summary: Bellamy's POV of The Grudges We HoldSometimes people do things they immediately regret and you have to live with those regrets.Bellamy, Octavia and Echo return from college for the summer but Clarke isn't ready to forgive Bellamy.Bellamy and Clarke had a secret relationship that ended when Bellamy left Clarke for Echo. Three years later and Bellamy still has regrets he lives with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys so here is Bellamy's POV of The Grudges We Hold.  
> Its a chapter by chapter retelling but I suggest reading The Grudges We Hold chapter 1 then read this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

Coming home always felt hard for Bellamy after everything he had done. He wanted to blame other people, he could to some extent but he was the one who did it. 

Coming home meant seeing Clarke and his daughter. His daughter. He didn’t deserve to have a daughter after what he did. 

He looked at Echo in the seat next to him in the car. He offered her a smile and laced his fingers through hers. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently. 

“Bellamy?” Echo spoke up, they still had an hour of their trip to go. 

“Yeah?” He looked at her slowly with raised eyebrows. 

“Should we tell them?” She asked quietly as she bit her lip. 

“Maybe we should wait.” He bit his lip and kept his focus on road. 

“Tell them at the end of summer?” She kept watching him slowly. 

“Yeah, just give it more time. Just in case.” He put his hand over her stomach that was just beginning to start to swell.  

“I’m scared.” Echo’s voice cracked as she put her hand over his. 

“Hey, the doctor said that everything is healthy. There’s no reason why anything should go wrong. Relax, okay?” He was scared too but they needed to not stress about it. 

This wasn’t the first time that Echo had been pregnant, she had lost a baby almost four years ago and it had hurt them both. 

“I think we should start telling people when I’m 13 weeks,” Echo spoke quietly after a long silence hung between them. 

“Yeah, six weeks works.” He kissed her hand again gently. 

Madi, his daughter was going to be a big sister. He didn’t deserve Madi. He told Clarke to get rid of her when Clarke told him she was pregnant. 

“Are you excited about becoming a father?” Echo asked him after another long silence. 

I’m already a father, Bellamy thought. Echo knew Bellamy was Madi’s father and she definitely wasn’t happy about it. 

“Yeah babe, of course, I’m excited.” He gave her a small smile. 

A sense of dread filled Bellamy when he noticed Clarke’s car out the front of his mother’s house. She was here which meant Madi was here. Oh god, he thought as he got out of the car, raking his hand over his face. 

“You okay?” Echo frowned at him. 

“Yeah babe, just tired from the drive.” He nodded as he got their bags out from the trunk. 

“We’re here!” Bellamy called out as he shut the front door behind them and put their bags down. 

“Bell!” Octavia called out as she walked into the foyer holding a toddler in her arms. 

“O!” He let out a low chuckle as he gave Octavia a side hug.

 

Bellamy had barely seen Octavia despite the fact that they went to the same college. He would get caught up with Echo or Octavia would get engrossed with Lincoln that they would only see each other in passing. Octavia had started dating Lincoln almost immediately after moving to Arkadia. Octavia had fallen deeply in love with him, despite Bellamy’s disapproval.

Bellamy disapproved of Lincoln and Octavia’s relationship, mainly because of the age difference between them. Octavia wasn’t even twenty yet but Lincoln was almost twenty-four. 

 

Bellamy could feel a frown beginning to form on his face as his eyes danced over the toddler that was in his sister’s arms. This was his daughter, he knew immediately. He wanted to hold her, tell her that he was her father and that he was sorry for beginning a terrible father and person in general. 

 

“Who’s this?” His voice was quiet but held a hint of worry, he needed the confirmation that it was Madi.

He worried that he was going to be wrong, that this was wasn’t her. 

 

“It’s Madi, she’s grown up so much.” Octavia smiled widely and tickled the little girl as she buried her head in the crook of Octavia’s neck.

 

“Octavia.” Echo gave Octavia a curt nod.

“Echo.” Octavia returned the nod.

Bellamy knew Echo and Octavia didn’t get along in the slightest. He knew his sister thought that Echo was too controlling. 

“So Clarke’s here?” the scowl on Echo’s face that had been there since she walked in began to deepen.

“Yeah, what of it? She’s here to see me.” Octavia snapped back.

Please don’t fight, Bellamy thought as he kept his eyes focused on Madi. 

“Hey O, we’ve got to go.” Clarke appeared in the foyer much to Echo’s dismay.

No, Bellamy thought, don’t take her yet. 

“Why?” Octavia’s eyes rolled at Echo as she turned to Clarke.

“Roan just texted me and said he needs me at work.” Clarke shifted uncomfortably but at the mention of a male’s name Bellamy’s gaze snapped to Clarke. 

“Go, I’ll watch Madi. We’ll go to the park or something.” Octavia nodded slowly and cuddled Madi closer.

 

“Thank you, I’ll see you tonight.” Clarke hugged her friend quickly before kissing Madi’s head. “Be good for Aunty O.” She smiled at the little girl.

He had to say something to her, he couldn’t let her leave without saying something, anything to her. 

“Clarke.” Bellamy nodded as a kind of greeting.

“Bellamy.” Clarke nodded back before walking out quickly.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Echo had decided to take a nap soon after Clarke left. Bellamy took this opportunity to spend some time with Octavia and in turn Madi. 

Madi was sitting on the floor in the lounge room playing with blocks as Octavia sat on the lounge with Bellamy. 

“I’m kind of happy that Clarke left Madi here, I miss seeing this little girl.” Octavia smiled as she watches Madi. 

“So who’s Roan?” Bellamy asked as he kept his eyes focused on Madi. 

“Clarke’s boyfriend, you’ll meet him tonight. He owns the bar, we’re going to tonight. Clarke works there too.” Octavia smiled as Madi got up and crawled onto her lap. 

“O?” Madi looked up Octavia slowly before pointing at Bellamy. 

“Madi, this is Bell,” Octavia whispered quietly to the little girl. “Bell is my big brother.”

“Hi, Madi,” Bellamy spoke nervously. 

“Hi!” Madi squealed and threw her arms around Bellamy’s neck. 

It took a second for Bellamy to register that Madi was hugging him. He wrapped his arms around Madi taking in the fact that he was hugging his daughter. His chest ached and every regret he had pushed aside was bubbling up again. These were the regrets he had to live with. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> Here's Chapter 2! I hope you enjoy!

Bellamy spotted Clarke as she weaved through the people crowding the bar. God, she looked beautiful, Bellamy thought as she walked over to the booth he was sitting at with Octavia and Echo. Bellamy watched Clarke carefully as she hugged his sister tightly. When she finally pulled away from Octavia, she only offered him a curt nod which he returned quickly.

 

“Where’s the kid tonight?” Echo watched Clarke with weary eyes. 

 

Bellamy tore his eyes away from Clarke to look at Echo. Did she really just ask that? Bellamy thought as he watched his girlfriend carefully.

 

Bellamy knew that Echo never liked Clarke, probably because of the way he used to look at her. Bellamy had to stop himself from looking at Clarke the way he used to. He battled himself with it every time he saw her. He fought against the aching in his chest that he felt every time he saw her. Echo’s dislike towards Clarke amplified when Bellamy stopped showing any interest in Clarke. Mainly because she wanted to make sure Clarke stayed away from Bellamy. 

 

“Madi is having a sleepover with Aurora tonight.” Clarke kept her reply short and sweet before looking away.

 

Bellamy followed Clarke’s gaze to Monty and Jasper who sulking over from the bar.

 

“Clarke, Roan is being a dick,” Jasper whined as he sulked over to slide into the booth next to Octavia. 

 

“I’ll be back.” Clarke turned on her heels and started to weave through the crowd slowly. 

 

“We love you,” Jasper shouted after her. 

 

The ache in Bellamy’s chest returned as he watched Clarke disappear. She was disappearing towards the bar to find this Roan, her boyfriend. He couldn’t picture her with anyone else, it hurt too much. Why did he have to say all those things to her? He thought as he watched the direction she disappeared in. 

 

“Bellamy?” Echo’s voice broke him out of his thoughts.

 

“Yeah, babe?” Bellamy turned to her slowly.

 

“She’s palmed your daughter on your mom so she can get drunk.” Echo hissed so no one would hear her. “That’s not fucking right, Bellamy.”

 

Echo’s words sank into Bellamy causing a frown to begin to form on his face. He put his hand on Echo’s stomach and kissed her cheek.

 

“I’ll be back.” He mumbled before he got up and weaved through the crowd towards the bar.

 

“Why is she staying with my mom tonight?” Bellamy spat, he was more worried than angry but his voice didn’t show that at all.

 

“Madi loves your mom.” Clarke shrugged and shot a look at the man behind the bar.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to take care of her?” Bellamy snapped back. 

 

“It’s one fucking night,” The man grumbled as he put beers on a tray.

 

He was fucking serving her? She’s only fucking nineteen, he thought. The ache in his chest turning into anger.

 

“Thanks.” Clarke gave the man a small smile as she picked up the tray. “Fuck you, Blake.” She spat at Bellamy as she walked back to the booth.

 

Bellamy scowled at the man behind the bar, he looked like a fucking idiot with his stupid fucking man bun.

 

“Clarkie! Clarkie! Clarkie!” Jasper and Monty began to chant loud enough for Bellamy to hear from across the bar.

 

Bellamy ordered a beer from a different bartender, not trusting the man bun wearing asshole to serve him. He was walking back to the table but stopped when he heard Clarke’s voice. 

 

“No, Roan loves Madi. Her biological father is an asshole who didn’t want me to have her in the first place.” Clarke spoke quickly. “Trust me, if Roan was Madi’s father, she would be an Azgeda, not a Griffin.”

 

His chest ached worse but it’s true, he was an asshole. He stayed frozen in his place lost in his thoughts flooding him and his chest painfully ached worse. Why couldn’t he get his shit together and just tell Clarke the truth?

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -- - - -- - - - - - 

 

Bellamy couldn’t stop watching Clarke all night and he knew that it was pissing off Echo but honestly he didn’t care tonight, he’d deal with it tomorrow. He felt his anger and jealousy beginning to boil up even more when he watched the man bun wearing asshole wrap his arms around Clarke from behind making her jump. Bellamy watched Clarke relax when the asshole kissed her shoulder. 

 

Bellamy zoned out Echo voice as he focused on Clarke and the man bun asshole. Bellamy growing more pissed off the more he watched. His hands balled into fists as he watched Clarke kiss the asshole. 

 

“Fucking cradle snatcher,” Bellamy muttered loud enough for Clarke and the man bun asshole to break apart from each other. 

 

“What?” The asshole untangled his arms from Clarke’s waist, turning to Bellamy slowly.

 

“Couldn’t find someone your own age or do just like teenage girls?” Bellamy spoke through his teeth as he rose out of his seat to challenge the asshole. 

 

“Roan, just leave it.” Clarke pulled on Roan’s arm slowly. “Mind your own fucking business, Bellamy.”

 

“Like you’re the best fucking decision maker. Shouldn’t you be taking care of your kid instead of palming her off on my mother.” Bellamy scoffed, he regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth.

 

“Fuck you.” Clarke pushed Bellamy hard.

 

Bellamy stumbled back into Echo who had just risen from her seat. This really lit Echo’s fuse. She darted around Bellamy and connected her fist with Clarke’s jaw. Clarke stumbled back, running into Roan’s chest. He steadied her and glared at Bellamy, shooting Daggers at him. 

 

“Sit the hell down,” Bellamy muttered to Echo.

“What the fuck Bell?” Octavia snapped as she pushed past Monty and Raven.

 

“Stay out of this O.” Bellamy snapped as he moved towards Roan.

 

“No fuck you Bell. We’re actually having a good fucking time and you just had to pick a fight with Roan and Clarke.” Octavia threw her hands up in the air as she shook her head.

 

“Roan, let’s just go.” Clarke pulled Roan’s hand gently.

 

“No Clarke, they need to get the fuck out of my bar.” Roan snapped as he pointed at Bellamy and Echo.

 

“Roan, leave them. I just want you to take me home.” Clarke put her hand on Roan’s chest and pushed him back gently.

 

“Fine,” Roan grumbled and turned toward the door. “Night guys.” He half waved at Raven, Murphy, Monty and Jasper.

 

“O, we’ll pick you up tomorrow when we get Madi. You can come out to breakfast with us.” Clarke gave Octavia a quick hug before following Roan out.

 

Octavia turned towards Bellamy shooting daggers at him. Bellamy didn’t need her to tell him that he fucked up. He knows he fucked up and he has fucked up so much. He didn’t know what to do to fix this, he let his anger get ahead of him. He just kept making this worse.

 

“What the fuck has gotten into you Bell?” Octavia walked towards Bellamy slowly. “You know the only reason mom doesn’t have to work for that asshole Pike anymore is because Clarke pays mom to look after Madi.” She stared at him carefully. “Clarke is using the money she inherited from her father to pay mom and then she works her ass off to support herself and Madi. She does this so that mom never has to even think about going back to work for some asshole like Pike again.”

 

Bellamy stepped back slowly as he watched his sister. Aurora Blake had been the housekeeper for Charles Pike for six years and she hated it, more than anything but refused to say anything. She had two kids to support and bills to pay. Pike would trash the house constantly, break things then blame her, deducting the cost out of her pay. He was truly an asshole to her. Both Bellamy and Octavia knew something else must have happened but Aurora refused to speak about it. 

 

“You know what fuck you, Bellamy.” Octavia pushed Bellamy back and ran a hand through her hair. “Fuck you.” She pointed at him again before walking out of the bar.

 

A song started playing throughout the bar. No, not this song, he thought as the song started to play. He stared at the exit of the bar trying to hold back his emotions. This god damn song, he thought as he pushed the memory away as it tried to push through.

 

“Come on, we’re going.” He muttered to Echo with a serious look and she followed him through the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed that!   
> Let me know what you thought!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Here's chapter 3, it's a short chapter, just a filler then we'll see his POV of the incident.  
> Enjoy!

Bellamy couldn’t escape the song, it haunted him. Coming home from the bar and the song kept playing in his head. He tried getting the song out of his head every way he could think. Usually sex would clear his head but even with Echo on top of him doing everything he loved in bed still didn’t get the damn song out of his head. He laid awake well after Echo had fallen asleep, he stared up at the ceiling lacking the energy to stop the song from playing repeatedly in his head.

After some time, Bellamy turned to look at the alarm clock to see it showing 4:30am. He groaned quietly as he rolled out of bed. He raked a hand over his face as he walked out of the room quietly. He made his way down the hall but stopped when he saw the door to the spare room open. Peering into the room he saw a tiny figure sleeping on the bed, the figure was so tiny compared to the double bed it was on. The room was lit by a night light that projected moving stars around the walls and roof. The song had stopped replaying in his head as he stood there just staring at the tiny figure that he knew was his daughter. The song started to creep into his head again. He shook his head and went downstairs to get drink before going back to bed to attempted to fall asleep again.

The next morning, he crept downstairs after he knew Octavia was gone. He really didn’t feel like fighting with her today. He stumbled into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. God he was tired, he hadn’t slept at all. He found his mother sitting at the counter staring at him.

“So what the hell happen last night?” Aurora raised her eyebrow at him. “Bellamy, you know I’m on your side but you really make it hard for me when you pick a fight with Clarke, telling her she’s a bad parent.”

“Mom, she was out drinking last night leaving the kid with you.” Bellamy groaned.

“Bellamy, that’s the first night since last summer that Clarke has really gone out.” Aurora sighed as ran her hand through her hair. “Madi is your daughter, Bellamy. If you want to be in Madi’s live, I know Clarke will let you but picking fights with her wont help.”

“Mom.” Bellamy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Every time I go to talk to her it’s like verbal vomit. I want to have a normal conversation with her but everything just spills out, shit I don’t even want to say comes out. Last night that Roan guy was just getting on my nerves.”

“You still have feelings for her.” Aurora watched him carefully as she pursed her lips slowly thinking.

“I would have to have feelings for her in the first place.” Bellamy sighed and sat down next to his mother.

“Don’t lie to me Bellamy.” Aurora warned as she got up slowly and put her cup in the sink.

“Good morning.” Echo smiled and walked into the kitchen slowly, ending the conversation between Bellamy and Aurora.   
“Morning babe.” He kissed Echo gently as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “How are you feeling?”

“Good, I slept really well last night.” Echo smiled slowly before pulling back slowly.

“Alright, I’ll see you two tonight. I’m going to have lunch with some friends.” Aurora smiled before grabbing her bag and left the house.

“I’m happy I don’t feel sick today.” Echo smiled as she started to make herself some tea.

“That’s good.” He hummed not really too bothered with chitchat today. “Babe, I’m gonna head back to bed, I barely slept last night and I feel like shit.”

“Okay.” Echo hummed as she kept making her tea.

Bellamy slumped upstairs as the song started playing in his head again, he groaned not having the energy to fight it. He fell down on the bed face first, forcing himself to close his eyes as the lyrics of the song haunted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> Here is chapter 4, Bellamy's POV of the incident. 
> 
> There is some Bellamy and Clarke smut in this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

Almost four years ago...

 

A loud groan escaped Bellamy’s lips as someone knocked on the door loudly. He had only just got settled on the couch to binge watch a new Netflix history series while his Mom was at work and Octavia was out with her newest boyfriend. He opened the door annoyed that he had been disturbed. 

 

Clarke was standing in front of him, her hair was falling out of its once perfectly neat bun, her eyeliner had smudged under eyes and her face was stained with tears. He hadn’t seen her like this since her father died six months ago. All sense of annoyance disappeared, replaced by concern for her. 

 

“Is Octavia here?” Clarke’s voice broke as she spoke.

 

Something had happened, he immediately knew it was somewhat serious, judging by her appearance and the tone in her voice. 

 

“You just missed her, she’s gone out with Atom.” Bellamy frowned slowly. “What’s going on?” He cared about her just as much as Octavia did, he had known her for her whole life. 

 

Deep down he knew his feelings had shifted into crush territory a long time ago but he never acted on them out of fear of rejection and a fear that somehow it would all blow up in his face. 

 

“It’s okay, I’ll just keep trying to call her.” She mumbled. 

 

He couldn’t let her leave like this, he needed to help her. 

 

“No point, she left her phone here.” He nodded his head back to gesture for her to come inside. “I’ve known you forever Clarke, I care about you too.”

 

“Thank you.” She walked inside with him slowly.

 

They sat on the couch together while she went over every detail of her brief relationship with Lexa and how she walked in on Lexa in bed with Costia, Lexa’s ex-girlfriend. Bellamy listened to her intently and offered her small words of encouragement to help her relax, which she did quickly. 

 

“Do I have a sign on my forehead that says Date me and fuck me over?” Clarke threw up her arms frustrated.

 

God, she could dramatic sometimes but she was good damn cute whenever she was, Bellamy thought with a smirk playing on his lips. 

 

“No Clarke.” Bellamy chuckled and shook his head. “Your forehead is perfect.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes dance over her as a smile played on his lips. He wanted to kiss her badly. It was almost to the point where he could barely control himself anymore. His self-control was hanging by a thread. That thread snapped when he saw her staring at his lips while biting her own lip. 

 

Bellamy crushed his lips down to hers, panic filled him when she didn’t respond. He was about to pull back and ask for forgiveness for his stupidity when Clarke finally started to kiss him back. Making his panicked feeling melt away. 

 

Picking her up by her waist and pulling her on to his lap felt natural to Bellamy like her body belonged with his. All doubts he had filling his mind about why he shouldn’t be doing this began to melt away with every kiss. 

 

Bellamy’s hands began to explore her body nervously. He had been with his fair share of women but this was different, this was Clarke. The girl he had known all her life, the one female in his life, who he wasn’t related to, who had been a constant. A girl that he had strong feelings for. A girl that he couldn’t imagine his life without. A girl he grew up with and witnessed her grow into one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. 

 

His fingers began to play with the hem of her shirt, she pulled back from the kiss and nodded at him. He made quick work of getting her shirt off and she pulled his shirt off as soon as she was free of hers. He unclasped her bra and she pulled it off quickly.

 

His heart jumped as he took in the sight of her and he felt himself get harder if that was even possible. 

 

“Clarke,” Bellamy growled a low primal sound as he took in the sight of her in front of him shirtless.

 

He could’ve lost it right there and then when Clarke whimpered into his mouth as laid her down on the couch and began to undo her pants. 

 

He began to kiss down her body as her hands found their way to tangle into his hair. He wanted to take his time, savoring the moment. He pressed each kiss to her skin gently, moving down a little bit further each time. 

 

Reaching the waistband of her jeans, he gave her one last kiss on her skin just above her waistband. He unbuttoned her jeans and undid the zipper before pulling her jeans and panties off together. 

 

He took a moment to take in the sight of her body. He frowned slightly when she started to move her arms to cover up. He grabbed her hands gently to stop her. He wanted to see it all of her. 

 

“You’re beautiful.” He breathed as he took in the sight of her naked in front of him.

 

Bellamy thought that she was definitely the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. His breath hitched as his eyes danced over her body. 

 

Clarke leant up and kissed him again. He pushed off his sweatpants. She laid back slowly as their kisses became more passionate. He hovered over her body, his breaths heavy with anticipation. 

 

“Are you sure?” Bellamy watched her carefully as he asked. 

 

His eyes examined her face slowly trying to detect hesitation from her. He wanted to make sure that she wanted this. 

 

Clarke nodded slowly and started to kiss him slowly. Their kisses became more passionate as she ran her hands down his back. 

 

Bellamy sucked in a breath as he started to enter. He pushed a little further in and felt resistance. 

 

_Fuck, she’s a virgin_ , he thought as he gave her a second to adjust to his size. Bellamy knew that his size wasn’t the ideal size for a girl to lose his virginity to, he was on the bigger side so it made it more uncomfortable for the girl. 

 

He kissed her hard as he pushed through her hymen. A wince escaped her lips and he froze immediately, watching her carefully. He needed to know she wanted this and that she was okay. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly with a worried tone as his eyes danced over her. 

 

“Yeah.” She gave him a small smile as she ran her fingers through his hair.

 

Bellamy gave her a little more time to adjust to him before he started to move again. Slowly his movements became faster and She started to moan with each movement he made. 

 

His pace picked up as he began to feel himself building up. He slipped his arms under her pulling her closer as her hands ran down his back. He buried his head in the crook of her neck as he moaned loudly, coming undone inside her. 

 

After a few minutes, Bellamy untangled from her and got dressed again with her. He was worried that Aurora or Octavia would come home.

 

“Are you okay?” Bellamy ran his hand through her hair with a small smile. 

 

“Yeah.” Clarke gave him a nervous smile. 

 

“You sure?” He frowned when he detected her nerves. 

 

“Is this just a one-time thing?” She bit her lip as she looked down. 

 

“It can be if that’s what you want.” His voice gave away his own disappointment. 

 

“I don’t want that.” She shook her head and looked up at him slowly. 

 

“Good.” He smiled and gave her a small kiss. “Want to pick something on Netflix and I’ll make us some hot chocolate?”

 

“Yeah sounds good.” She gave him a small smile. 

 

 

\-------------------

 

 

 

The next morning, Bellamy found Octavia and Clarke sitting at the kitchen counter palming mugs of coffee. Bellamy smiled at Clarke slowly and rubbed the back of his neck when Octavia wasn’t looking. 

 

“I’m gonna grab a shower,” Octavia mumbled before going upstairs. 

 

Octavia wasn’t a morning person, it always took her a few hours to perk up in the morning. 

 

Bellamy waited a few minutes to make sure Octavia was upstairs before he walked over to Clarke and kissed her gently. 

 

“How are you feeling?” He asked quietly as he cupped her cheek and stroked her cheek with his thumb. 

 

“I’m good.” She smiled slowly as she looked up at him. “A little sore.” She admitted, her cheeks burning red. “O is going to be in the shower for a while.” A smirk played on her lips. 

 

“You want to?” He chuckled as she nodded eagerly. “Get your ass up to my room then.” He smirked slowly. 

 

 

\------------

 

 

A week later, Bellamy closed his laptop with a yawn it was almost 1 am. He put his laptop on his bedside table and nestled into his bed. 

 

The sound of his door opening made him sit up quickly. He relaxed when he saw that Clarke had slipped into his room. She had been sneaking into his room almost every night. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke whispered realizing that she had startled him. 

 

“It’s okay.” He waved her over to the bed. “You okay?” He asked quietly once she crawled into bed. 

 

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.” She mumbled cuddling up to him slowly. “I thought you might know how to help me sleep.”

 

“What do you want me to do?” He smirked knowing what she wanted. 

 

“You know.” She mumbled shyly. 

 

“Cuddle and fall asleep holding you?” He smirked teasing her. 

 

“No. I mean, yes but something else first.” She giggled and buried her head in his chest more. 

 

Her hand ran down his bare chest and slipped into his pajama pants. Her hand wrapped around him causing Bellamy to suck in a breath. 

 

“Is this what you want to do?” Bellamy’s voice was low and primal as she started to stroke him slowly. 

 

“I want to try something,” Clarke whispered and pulled down his pants down enough to free him. 

 

“Do we need a condom?” He raised his eyebrow at her. 

 

She hummed a yes as she kept stroking him at a steady pace. He grabbed a condom out of the drawer and slipped it on quickly. 

 

Clarke straddled his hips slowly and awkwardly lined him up with her entrance. Bellamy helped her line him up and watched her carefully. 

 

He watched her carefully as she slowly began to sink down onto him slowly. She shifted slightly uncomfortable as she adjusted to his size. 

 

“Fuck Clarke.” Bellamy moaned at the sight of her. 

 

Clarke moaned loudly as she leant forward with her hands on his shoulders. She started to move against him slowly and he held her hips.  

 

“Bellamy.” Clarke moaned as she continued to move. 

 

Bellamy began to thrust upwards, he could feel her start to build up but drop before he could tip her over the edge. He began to quicken the pace of his upward thrusts in the hopes to push her over the edge. He came undone before he could get her over the edge. 

 

After a few moments, Clarke rolled off him and cuddled into his side. Bellamy kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer, wrapping his arm around her. 

 

There in that moment, having her in his arms made everything feel right, like everything in the world was in its place when she was in his arms. 

 

He was in love with her and he knew it. He wasn’t going to tell her yet, he knew it was way too early for him to tell her. He wasn’t ready to admit that he had a crush on her for the last two years. 

 

The week that followed their first time together had been amazing, Bellamy loved every moment he had been spending with Clarke, they’d spend so much time talking, cuddling and the sex was amazing. 

 

“Bellamy?” Clarke asked quietly as she traced patterns on his chest. 

 

“Mm?” Bellamy hummed as he played with her hair with the arm he had firmly wrapped around her.

 

“You’re probably going to think I’m stupid.” She looked up at him slowly. “I love you.” 

 

A smile played on his lips before he presses a kiss to the top of her head. 

 

_She loved him_ , his heart felt like it would burst right out of his chest then and there. He wanted to hold her close and never let go of her. 

 

“I love you too.” He spoke quietly as his hand dance down her back before pulling her closer.

 

Bellamy couldn’t imagine how things could get any better from here. A sense of dread filled him. He hadn’t told Clarke about Echo, the girl he had started dating a few months back or the fact that Echo was pregnant with his child. He knew it would probably ruin things between them but he hoped that he could figure out a way that wouldn’t ruin them. 

 

He was going to break up with Echo in person when he went back to college in a week. He didn’t feel right doing it over the phone especially since she was carrying his child. 

 

He didn’t want to leave Clarke but he was going to be back in a few weeks for Christmas break. 

 

 

\-------------

 

 

When Thanksgiving came around at the Blake house, Bellamy couldn’t help but smile at her throughout the day and whispering to her that he loved her when they had a moment alone. 

 

“Bellamy?” Aurora asked as she came into the kitchen to find Bellamy doing the dishes. 

 

“Yeah?” Bellamy dried his hands on a kitchen towel. 

 

“The battery in Clarke’s car has died, could you drive her home so she can pick up some stuff? Her mom is going out of town tomorrow and she’s staying here.” Aurora asked quietly. 

 

“Yeah sure, I’m done with the dishes.” Bellamy shrugged slowly. 

 

Octavia ran into the kitchen throwing her arms around Bellamy. 

 

“Thank you, big brother!” Octavia smiled. 

 

“It’s okay.” Bellamy smiled at his sister slowly. “Alright, Clarke, let's go. You coming O?”

 

“Mom still needs help so I’ll stay here.” Octavia shrugged. 

 

Bellamy headed out to his truck with Clarke. The drive was quiet and Bellamy just held onto her hand the whole trip. He smirked as he kissed it gently. He pulled up to the house and Clarke pounced on him giving him a long lustful kiss.  

 

“Go get your stuff.” He smiled as they broke apart. “I love you.” He smiled genuinely as she opened the truck door. 

 

“I love you too.” Clarke smiled and closed the truck door before disappearing into the big house she grew up in. 

 

Bellamy got his phone out and started to scroll through his photos smiling at the photos he had of Clarke. A knock on his truck window made him jump. 

 

Abby Griffin was a real piece of work. She was strict and completely focused on herself, ignoring Clarke the majority of the time. She wasn’t fond of the Blakes, mainly because Aurora had her kids so young, having Bellamy at 17 and Octavia at 20. Abby didn’t think Aurora was the best influence on Clarke but Jake Griffin loved the Blakes and encouraged Clarke’s friendship with Octavia. Jake was definitely more down to earth than his wife. 

 

Bellamy rolled down his window and looked at Abby Griffin. 

 

“Whatever is happening between you and my daughter ends now, do you understand?” Abby spoke through her teeth as she glared at Bellamy. 

 

“With all due respect Mrs Griffin, I love your daughter and I’m not going to break up with her just because you don’t want me dating her.” Bellamy raised his eyebrows at her. 

 

“You end and end now or I’ll be going to the police station and pressing statutory rape charges against you. Your future will be ruined, I’ll make sure you and your mother never have a job again.” Abby spoke seriously as she narrowed her eyes at Bellamy. “End it.” She said again before turning on her heels and walked back inside. 

 

Bellamy sat there staring forward for a long time until Clarke got back into the car. 

 

“I need to pack,” Bellamy mumbled when she got back into the car. 

 

He remained silent for the entire car ride and went straight to his room when they got back. He sat on his bed, panicking about what he was going to do. If he stayed with Clarke, Abby was going to press statutory rape charges against him and punish his mom along with him. If he broke up with Clarke, she was never going to talk to him again and he would have to live with that forever but he wouldn’t have a criminal record and his mom would still have a job. 

 

Bellamy was still going over it in his head when Clarke slipped into his room like she had done every night for the last two weeks.

 

“Clarke? What the hell are you doing here?” Bellamy wasn’t ready for this yet, he needed more time. 

 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

 

“I wanted to spend some time with you before you go back. I mean it’s going to be three weeks before I see you again.” Clarke spoke timidly as she watched him carefully. 

 

_Make her hate you_ , Bellamy thought as he watched her carefully. _Make her hate you, it’ll be easier for the both of you that way._  

 

“Really?” He let out a chuckle as he ran his hand through his hair.

 

_Act like an asshole, don’t let her see that your heart is shattering just like yours,_ he told himself. 

 

“Yeah, I thought you’d want to.” She shrugged nervously as she stayed by the closed door.

 

_It was working but she wasn’t at the point where she wouldn’t try to work things out._

 

“Wait, you actually thought this,” he gestured between them. “Was real?”

 

_Cruel but necessary_ , he told himself. 

 

Bellamy struggled to keep his emotions at bay as he watched tears begin to form in her eyes. But he knew she would still try to reason with him and he would give in if she did that. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and tell her that he didn’t mean it and he loved her. But he had to do this for his mother and his future.

 

“I have a girlfriend on campus.” He ran his hand through his hair again. 

 

_Tell her you were using her_ , he told himself. 

 

Everything he was saying was hurting him. He knew he was hurting her and it was destroying him. 

 

“I was using you, Princess, just because I didn’t want to have to go without getting laid.” He chuckled again, he had to use all of his willpower to stop tears from coming to his eyes. 

 

Bellamy wanted to stop there but he needed to make sure that she wouldn’t want to be near him ever again. It would be too painful for him to have her around him when all he wanted to do was tell her he was wrong and that he always loved her. 

 

“You made it so easy, princess. I barely had to do any work.” He smirked. “A bonus is that I get to tell everyone that I deflowered the Princess.” He let out a louder laugh this time. “In case it wasn’t obvious enough, I don’t love, never did. I mean how could I? Look at yourself.” He gestured his hand up and down at her. “You’re a sad, desperate little girl. No wonder Lexa decided to fuck Costia. She’s actually lucky she didn’t actually fuck you because you’re pretty fucking terrible in bed. It’s actually depressing. Hands down the worst I’ve ever had.”

 

Clarke slipped out of the room and he sank down onto the floor with his head in his hands. The tears that had been threatening to spill finally did. He knew Clarke would never forgive him and he would never forgive himself for what he did. 

 

 

\------------------

 

 

The next day, Bellamy gave his mom and Octavia a quick goodbye before he began the drive back to campus. He really couldn’t be bothered with the music playing from his playlist. A song started to play once he hit the highway. 

 

**_*I am not the only traveler*_ **

**_*Who has not repaid his debt*_ **

**_*I've been searching for a trail to follow again*_ **

**_*Take me back to the night we met*_ **

**_*And then I can tell myself*_ **

**_*What the hell I'm supposed to do*_ **

**_*And then I can tell myself*_ **

**_*Not to ride along with you*_ **

 

For some reason the song drew his attention, he listened to every lyric. 

 

**_*I had all and then most of you *_ **

**_*Some and now none of you *_ **

**_*Take me back to the night we met *_ **

**_*I don't know what I'm supposed to do *_ **

**_*Haunted by the ghost of you *_ **

**_*Oh, take me back to the night we met *_ **

 

Tears stung Bellamy’s eyes as he covered his mouth as the lyrics sunk into him. 

 

**_*When the night was full of terrors *_ **

**_*And your eyes were filled with tears*_ **

 

The memory of Clarke standing in front of him with tears in her eyes haunted him as his tears streamed down his face. 

 

**_*When you had not touched me yet*_ **

**_*Oh, take me back to the night we met*_ **

 

He pulled over to the side of the road, putting his head in his hands, crying like he had for the majority of the previous night. 

 

**_*I had all and then most of you*_ **

**_*Some and now none of you*_ **

**_*Take me back to the night we met*_ **

**_*I don't know what I'm supposed to do*_ **

**_*Haunted by the ghost of you*_ **

**_*Take me back to the night we met*_ **

 

Bellamy stayed on the side of the road crying for a long time after the song had ended. 

 

 

\----------------------

 

 

Bellamy didn’t want to see anyone when he got back to campus but he found Echo at the door to his dorm room. He been barely been replying to her texts or returning Echo's calls the whole time he had been gone. 

 

“Why the hell haven’t you been returning my calls or texts?” Echo snapped as soon as he reached his door. 

 

“I was caught up with my mom and my sister okay.” Bellamy let out a long sigh as he unlocked the door to his dorm room. 

 

“I’m your girlfriend, Bellamy. I’m supposed to matter too.” Echo followed him closely as he walked into his room. 

 

“Echo, you do matter too but right now, I’m tired and not in the mood for this conversation.” Bellamy sighed and threw his bag onto the bed. 

 

“I lost the baby because of you.” Echo looked at him as she crossed her arms across her chest. 

 

Bellamy froze at the bomb Echo just dropped on him. Tears pricked his eyes as he turned back to look at Echo. 

 

“You lost the baby?” He choked out as he watched her. 

 

They were supposed to go to their first ultrasound sound on Monday. At their first doctor's appointment, the doctor had estimated that Echo was about eight weeks along from her blood test two weeks ago. 

 

“You’re the reason I lost the baby.” She poked his chest. “You made me stressed out. Call me when you decide to be a man.”

 

Echo turned on her heels and walked out. Leaving Bellamy standing there shocked and upset. 

 

 

\------------------

 

 

Coming home for Christmas break was hard, Bellamy was haunted by the memory what he had done to Clarke. He was also haunted by the fact that he had lost his baby when he came home for Thanksgiving. 

 

Bellamy was in a horrid mood when someone knocked on the door. He had been trying to wrap the few presents he had gotten his mom and Octavia for Christmas while they were both out. Everything was going fine until that fucking song came on from his playlist, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to delete but he couldn’t stand to hear it because it just reminded him of everything he had lost. Everything he had done. 

 

His bad mood was obvious when he stomped over to the front door and flung the door open. He lost all oxygen in his lungs when he saw Clarke in front of him. 

 

_Fuck, why the fuck was she here?_

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” He grimaced. “Didn’t get enough humiliation last time?”

 

He was grimacing at his own words. His words hurt because this was the woman he loved standing in front of him and he was being an asshole to her. 

 

“I’m pregnant, asshole.” Clarke snapped as she death stared him. 

 

Fuck, how could he have been so stupid?

 

“You’re what?” He looked at her for confirmation at what he heard.

 

“Pregnant, what Bellamy? Are you thick?” Clarke crossed her arms. “We didn’t use protection the first time.”

 

“How do I know it’s mine?” He raised an eyebrow at her. 

 

Bellamy wanted to punch himself in the dick for saying that. 

 

“I was a fucking virgin and do you really think I’d want to sleep with anyone else after the anticlimactic experience I had with you?” She raised her eyebrow. 

 

She bruised his ego with that but at least she hated him, that’s what he needed. He had to stop himself from thinking about that first time with Clarke and how beautiful she looked. 

 

“What do you want me to do Princess?” His voice gave away the fact that Clarke had indeed bruised his ego. 

 

After what had happened with Echo and their baby, he didn’t want Clarke to go through the pain of being excited about having a baby to losing it. If she had an abortion early she wouldn’t go through that and he wouldn’t be putting her dreams at risk.  She was only 16 and had her whole life ahead of her. 

 

“It’s not like you need me to help pay for you to get rid of it. It’s only fucking pocket change to you.” He snapped, angry at himself for putting her in this situation. 

 

_Make her hate you_ , he told himself again like he had the night he ended things with her. 

 

“Fuck, Clarke I knew you were stupid but fucking hell. How dumb do you have to be to get knocked up on your first time?” He inwardly cringed at his words, it was his fault, he should’ve been wearing a condom. 

 

Bellamy could see that Clarke was taking deep breaths to calm herself down. 

 

“Get rid of it.” He spoke through his teeth, his emotions were becoming harder to conceal. 

 

“You know what, Bellamy. Telling you was a mistake.” She shook her head slowly. 

 

“Get rid of it, Clarke.” His voice was getting angrier, he wasn’t angry at her, he was angry at himself. 

 

_How could he have fucked up so bad?_

 

_She can’t have this baby._

 

_For fuck's sake Bellamy, say something to make her not have this baby, it will ruin her life._

 

“You’re not fucking fit to be a mother. I feel sorry for any kid who ever has to have you as their Mom. The best thing you can ever do for it is to get an abortion.” He hated himself, he was too cruel to her. 

 

Clarke punched him square in the face before turning on her heels and heading back to her car.  

 

Bellamy deserved that, he deserved to be hit by a fucking truck. He was a horrible human being. He never deserved to have someone as pure and good as Clarke to have ever loved him for a second. 

 

_You’re a fucking asshole._ He thought as he closed the door holding his nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that!
> 
> The song that Bellamy is listening to is The Night We Met by Lord Huron, the lyrics (in bold) were used in this chapter (I don't own the lyrics nor did I write them).
> 
> Tell me what you thought below!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> Here's chapter 5!  
> Enjoy!

Bellamy couldn’t help but zone out when Echo would go on a tangent about what she wanted Bellamy to do and what she wanted him to get her. He couldn’t help but think about how he hadn’t seen Clarke or Madi in almost three weeks.

He knew something had happened between Octavia and Clarke because Octavia came home from having breakfast with Clarke in a horrible mood. Octavia’s horrible mood hadn’t passed at all in those three weeks since she came home.

A fear began to itch at Bellamy, the fear that Clarke had told Octavia the truth. The fear had begun to itch at him when Octavia refused to talk to him, honestly, she could barely look at him.

“Bellamy?” Echo’s voice snapped Bellamy out of his thoughts.

“Huh? Sorry, I’m really tired from our hike this morning.” Bellamy ran a hand down his face with a long, drawn-out sigh.

“I was just saying that we should start looking at a better apartment, so we can have a proper nursery of the baby.” Echo smiles slowly at Bellamy and brushes his hair behind her ear.

“Yeah babe, we can start looking when we get back.” He nodded slowly, dreading the bills that would come from having a bigger apartment near the college campus.

“Good.” Echo smiled slowly again and kissed him slowly. “Can you make some food while I get in the shower? We’re hungry.” She rubbed her stomach slowly.

“Yeah.” He slowly put his hand on her stomach before she got up and disappeared upstairs.

Sitting in the lounge room alone again made his mind drift back to when he found out Madi had been born.

  
——— ——— ———

  
Bellamy was asleep in his dorm room, it was summer break but he was able to stay because he was doing summer classes.

He had stayed up until 3 am doing a paper for his theories of authority class. The paper wasn’t due for another two weeks but he was trying to keep himself busy. He had decided to do summer classes so he could avoid Clarke, it hurt still seeing her, seeing how she was growing with their child in her belly.

He wished with all of his heart that he could take back the things that he said and tell her that he lied. Tell her that he did love her, with all of his heart. Tell her that he only told her to have an abortion because he didn’t want her to go through a miscarriage after what happened with Echo and their baby.

His chest ached to know that his child would be born soon and that Clarke probably never let him anywhere near their baby.

Bellamy groaned when the message tone on his phone went off five times in a row. He rubbed his face as he grabbed his phone off his bedside table. He unlocked his phone without even looking at the notifications, he opened up his messages. He had two messages from his mom and three from Octavia.

 

  
O: _OMG!_

O: _Clarke had her baby!_

O: _It’s a girl!_

 

  
The aching in his chest got worse. He had a daughter.

 

Mom: _Clarke had your daughter. When were you going to tell me you were the father?_

Mom: _You need to come home and see your daughter._

  
Bellamy sighed and raked his hand over his face before falling back onto his pillows. His phone went off again, he looked at his phone at his phone with a frown when he saw Clarke’s name on his screen.

 

Clarke: _Hey Bell, I know your mom and O have probably already told you that I had the baby a few hours ago. Her name is Madi. I know you told me that you didn’t want the baby but if you want to come to meet our daughter, you can. O and your Mom have gone home to sleep, they were up all night with me. They won’t be back until tonight. I won’t ever stop you from trying to be in her life or trying to be her father. You’re her father, Bell._

  
The next message was of a sleeping baby with a full head of dark hair. Bellamy couldn’t help but stare at the picture. He made this little girl with Clarke. He looked at the time on his phone. 6:30 am.

 

Bell: _I’m on my way. Thank you, Clarke._

 

Bellamy forced himself up out of bed, he was exhausted but felt a surge of energy. He dressed quickly and made it down to his car to start the long drive.

It was almost 11 am when Bellamy finally arrived at the hospital, he had to stop a few times to get coffee and food, just so he could stay awake. He stopped in the foyer and bought a bunch of flowers for Clarke. Walking towards her room, he regretted getting the flowers, realising that it was probably inappropriate. His hand shook as he knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Clarke’s voice called out.

Bellamy walked into the room slowly, he found Clarke sitting cross-legged on the bed in a pair of loose pyjama pants and a loose tank top. The baby was stretched out in front of her on the bed.

“Hey, good timing, she just finished eating.” Clarke smiled at Bellamy slowly.

“Hey, I got you these,” Bellamy spoke awkwardly as he put the flowers on the bedside table in the vase they came in.

“Thank you, they’re beautiful.” Clarke smiled a genuine smile.

God, he loved that smile. Bellamy thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Even now when she looked like she had barely slept, her hair was in a messy bun and no makeup on. She looked like she was glowing.

“Come, meet our little girl.” She smiled at him slowly and moved over slightly so he could sit on the bed next to her. “Do you want to hold her?”

Bellamy gave her a small nervous nod and watched her pick the tiny baby up with ease, not a single ounce of fear in her. Bellamy, on the other hand, was terrified to hold the little baby. He sucked in a breath as Clarke laid the baby in his arms.

“It’s okay, you’re not going to hurt her,” Clarke spoke quietly as she stroke Madi’s hair gently.

“She’s perfect,” Bellamy whispered as he looked down at the baby in his arms. “I can’t believe we made her.”

“I know, it’s crazy,” Clarke whispered quietly. “She looks so much like you.”

“You spelt her name wrong.” He chuckled quietly.

“I did it on purpose.” She whispered quietly.

“Do annoy me?” He finally looked at her.

Bellamy watched her swallow and nod slowly.

“I love her name.” He whispered as he watched her carefully.

His heart swell as he watched her carefully smile at him. He didn’t think that it was possible to love her even more than he already did but watching her and their daughter made it possible.

He leant forward and kissed her slowly, she returned the kiss shyly. It felt good to finally kiss her again.

“I’m sorry.” He looked down ashamed that he was messing with her feelings.

_They’re better off without me_ , Bellamy told himself. He quietly kissed Madi’s head gently before passing Madi back to Clarke.

“You two are better off without me.” He mumbled and got up slowly.

“Bellamy, wait please.” Clarke pleaded.

“You and Madi deserve better.” He walked out quietly.

His chest ached painfully as he walked out of the hospital. He cried a lot on the way home like he had when he broke up with Clarke.

  
——— ——— ———

  
The fact that Bellamy could’ve manned up and been there for Clarke and Madi killed him. If he had just stayed and admitted his mistake to Clarke, he’d know his daughter and she’d know him but he didn’t man up. He was a coward.

Breaking out of his thoughts, Bellamy walked into the kitchen and started cooking food for Echo.

“Did you make me a BLT?” Echo smiled as Bellamy put the sandwich in front of Echo as she sat at the counter.

“Yeah, you were talking about bacon in your sleep last night, I figured the baby wanted bacon.” He offered her a small smile.

“Well look what we have here.” Octavia walked into the kitchen.

“Hey O.” Bellamy smiled slowly at Octavia.

“Don’t fucking hey me. So when were you going to tell me?” Octavia snapping at him made him confused.

“Tell you what?” Bellamy looked confused but it had clicked that his fear had come true.

“That you’re Madi’s Father.” Octavia’s voice was still in quiet dangerous tone.

“You told her!” Bellamy snapped loudly at Clarke, he knew his sister would hate him for it.

“Don’t you fucking dare yell at her! After all the fucking things you said to her!” Octavia yelled back closing the space between them. “You’re the reason why we didn’t know that Madi is actually my niece and Mom’s granddaughter.”

“She had no right to tell you.” Bellamy’s voice was quiet for a second, his tone broken, knowing that his sister would ashamed of all of the things he said to Clarke. “You’re my family, not hers!” He yelled again pointing at Clarke, frustrated at the fact that he had made those choices and couldn’t own up to them.

“You’re a selfish, self-centered, deluded, poor excuse for a man.” Octavia’s words hit him hard as he stood there shocked. “I’m ashamed that you’re my brother.”

Bellamy watched slowly as Octavia turned on her heels and stormed out of the house with Clarke close behind.

Bellamy stormed out after them and made a beeline for Clarke. Deep down he knew he couldn’t blame Clarke for this but he was hurting from Octavia’s words and it was blurring his judgement.

“You had no fucking right!” He snapped as he stared down at her, using his height as an advantage.

“Go fuck yourself, Bellamy.” Clarke looked right up at him, not intimidated but him a single bit.

“They’re my family!” He yelled again, he knew they were as much her family as his but he was letting his hurt feeling speak for him instead of thinking logically.

“They’re my family too, Bellamy!” Clarke screamed back. “When I fell pregnant with Madi, my mom kicked me out and hasn’t spoken to me since. She was the only family I had left until your mom reminded me that I was apart of her family.” Clarke got in her car as she wiped away the tears streaming down her face.

Bellamy punched the wall on his way back inside. He groaned and held it to his chest as he walked back into the kitchen. He shot Echo a warning look when she went to start talking which did nothing, she started ranting about how much of a bitch Clarke was. Bellamy tuned her out as he iced his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> Here is chapter six!  
> Please also go follow my tumblr for updates and your chance to give your opinions on what happens next!  
> http://katichawrites.tumblr.com/

Bellamy’s hand still pulsed with pain when he woke up the next morning. He was grateful that Echo was going to be gone for most of the day. 

 

Lately, he couldn’t stand being around Echo, she drove him crazy lately. Being home with her with him made her worse, having Clarke within the same town made Echo’s behaviour worse. 

 

When he came downstairs, his mom was already out in her garden. Being home let him appreciate the freedom his mom now had thanks to Clarke paying her to look after Madi. His mom could spend time doing what she wanted like gardening and sewing, she had taken to doing odd seamstress jobs for extra money. Sewing relaxed Aurora and getting paid for it was a bonus. 

 

He smiled slowly as he watched Aurora through the back window. A knock at the front door drew his eyes from the window. He was shocked to find Clarke at the door. His eyes traced over her slowly, tracing over her appearance. 

 

She was wearing the band tee from the concert she surprised Octavia with. He had never seen his sister so excited, he drove them to the concert and they sang the whole way, it didn’t even bother him. 

 

“Hey Bellamy, can we talk?” Clarke asked quietly as she rubbed the back of her neck.

 

“Hey umm... Yeah, come in.” Bellamy stepped aside to let Clarke in, he watched her slowly as she walked in. He felt awkward especially after what he had said to her yesterday. “Did you want some coffee?”

 

“Yeah, that’ll be great.” Clarke followed him to the kitchen and sat at the counter.

 

Bellamy poured two cups of coffee, he made Clarke’s the way she always had it. It hoped she hadn’t changed the way he took her coffee. He slid the cup over to Clarke before sitting at the counter next to her.

 

“I want to talk without us fighting, okay?” Clarke spoke quietly as her eyes danced over him slowly.

 

“Yeah.” He nodded slowly before looking down at his coffee ashamed.

 

Had it really gotten that bad that they couldn’t have a conversation without fighting? It was his fault, not hers. He couldn’t blame her for any of this, she had every right to be angry with him after everything he had done.

 

“I wanted to talk to you about Madi.” Clarke's voice was quiet and her eyes peered into him and he looked down ashamed.

 

Bellamy knew this was the point where Clarke would tell him to stay away from Madi. The moment where Clarke told him that he was no good for Madi and she couldn’t let him influence their daughter. He prepared himself for Clarke to tell him that he could never see their daughter again.

 

“Our daughter asked if she could see you. She wants to see Bell.” A smile played on Clarke’s lips.

 

“Really?” His posture perked up a little bit and a smile played on his lips as he finally looked at Clarke, the smile still playing on his lips.

 

Madi wanted to see him. His chest felt like it was going to explode with happiness. He had his chance to step up and this was exactly the push he needed to be the father he never had.

 

“Yeah, you seemed to have made an impression on her.” Clarke offered him a small smile, this was a good sign. “Bellamy, I need to know something first.”

 

“Okay.” Bellamy nodded slowly and took a long sip of his coffee.

 

Conditions. Conditions are good. He told himself, knowing that this was a huge step for Clarke, especially after what he had said to her slowly.

 

“Do you want to be in her life? I’m not talking about just being there during the summer and the holidays, I’m talking about being there for her as her father. Coming to see her when you go back.” Clarke eyed him carefully.

 

“I want to be her dad.” Bellamy took a nervous breath but he meant every word. “I haven’t been there before but I want to be there now. I want to make up for it.”

 

“You can start today.” Clarke nodded slowly.

 

Bellamy needed to man up and this was the first step, being there as Madi’s father was the first step. It was the step he needed to take for him to even consider being Clarke’s friend again.

 

“I’m sorry Clarke.” Bellamy furrowed his brow as he watched her carefully.

 

His chest started to ache again, he hated hurting her, he hated the fact that he had hurt her. He wanted to tell her the truth, he wanted to tell her everything that had happened with her mom and with Echo and their baby.

 

“I can’t forgive you yet, there’s a lot that we still need to talk about but I’m not ready yet.” Clarke closed her eyes slowly, her voice dropped and showed the pain she was feeling. “I’ll drop Madi by later, she can stay the night.” She got up off her stool slowly. “Where’s your Mom?”

 

“She’s in the backyard, gardening.” Bellamy watched her slowly as she started to walk towards the back door. “Hey, Clarke?”

 

“Yeah?” Clarke turned back to look at him as she bit her lip slowly.

 

“Thank you.” Bellamy offered her a small smile before she nodded and walked out into the backyard.

 

 

\------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

 

 

Bellamy waited until he finished his coffee and did the breakfast dishes before walking out into the backyard after Clarke left. He stood there watching his Mom for a few minutes before he shoved his hands into his pockets and walked closer to her.

 

“Hey, Mom?” He spoke quietly not wanting to disturb the peace in the backyard.

 

“Hey, Bell.” Aurora looked up at Bellamy from where she was kneeling.

 

“Can you help me? Clarke is letting me spend time with Madi today and she’s going to be sleeping over.” He took a long drawn out nervous breath. “I want to get Madi a present but I have no idea what she likes. Can you come shopping with me?” He asked nervously.

 

“Of course.” She smiled slowly and stood up, brushing off her knees. “Let me get changed and we’ll go.”

 

 

\------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------

 

 

Bellamy walked into the Walmart with Aurora, he stood in the toy section staring at the shelves overwhelmed. He had no idea where to begin and he felt dumbfounded by the whole situation. Aurora touched his shoulder to break him out of his thoughts.

 

“Madi loves building and colouring in. She’s a very creative little girl with a big heart. She loves any gift given to her when she came here with me the other day she wanted a new teddy.” Aurora smiled and guided him over to the stuffed toy section.

 

“What’s her favourite colour?” Bellamy asked quietly as he scanned over the shelves of stuffed toys.

 

“Red, she loves red.” She smiled slowly and watched her son carefully.

 

Bellamy reached out and grabbed a fluffy red dragon, he examined it carefully as a frown formed on his face.

 

 _Was it appropriate for a two and a half-year-old?_ He asked himself as he stared at the dragon in his hands.

 

“She’ll love that.” She smiled slowly. “It’s exactly the type of thing she’d pick out.”

 

“Is it okay that I get her this? Will Clarke mind?” He frowned worried, he was terrified to do something wrong.

 

“Clarke won’t mind.” She assured before watching him nod and head to the counter with her. “Don’t be scared, Bellamy.” She spoke up when they got back into the car.

 

“It’s hard not too.” Bellamy sighed loudly. “I fuck everything up. I can’t afford to fuck this up anymore, Mom. This is my daughter we’re talking about, if I fuck this up again Mom, Clarke will never let me around Madi again.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I just don’t want to mess this up.”

 

“Just relax, Bell. You can do this.” Aurora smiled at her son slowly as he started to drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys   
> sorry for the delay  
> Enjoy!

"Bell!" The little girl with long dark hair squealed as she ran towards him.  
  
Bellamy could feel his heart swell with happiness as he scooped up Madi into his arms. He never thought he'd have the chance to have moments like this especially after how bad he has fucked up. Holding Madi close started to bring everything into perspective for him, he needed to change his priorities. Madi and this baby needed to come first no matter what.  
  
"Hey, Madz." Bellamy smiled slowly and tried to put her down but she wouldn't let him, so he just readjusted her in his arms. "Mom's inside." He looked at Clarke and could tell that she was nervous.  
  
"Mommy will pick you up tomorrow, okay baby?" Clarke spoke quietly as she brushed Madi's hair out of her face.  
  
"Oookkkaaayyy." Madi leaned away from Clarke slowly but still flashed her mother a smile. "Bye Ro!" Madi squealed as she waved at Roan who was still sitting in the car.  
  
"Call me if there are any issues," Clarke spoke reluctantly.  
  
"I will, she'll be okay." he nodded slowly and watched her walk back to her car. "Alright Kiddo, should we go see where Nana is?"  
  
Bellamy smiled and carried her through the house to the backyard where Aurora was still gardening. He put Madi down so the little girl could run and hug his mother tightly. He just stood there watching his daughter and his mother for the longest time, he knew he needed to change but this was going to be hard but he needed to do it. For her.  
  
"Bell!" The little girl's squeal broke him out of his thoughts and made him smile as she ran to him.  
  
"I have a present for you." He scooped her up slowly and walked back inside the house slowly.  
  
He picked up the red dragon from the shopping bag slowly and handed it to her slowly. Madi stared at it wide-eyed with a big grin on her face before she started to cuddle it tightly.  
  
"Do you want to give him a name?" He smiled as he sat down on the couch with her on his lap.  
  
"Bobby." She mumbled as she played with the wings of the stuffed dragon.  
  
"His name is Bobby?" He laughed quietly as he watched her nod with a huge grin. "I like his name."  
  
Bellamy smiled as he watched Madi play with the stuffed dragon until she complained about being hungry. Bellamy carried her into the kitchen and started to make her a snack slowly.  
  
"Do you like cheese?" He looked at Madi who was standing next to him in the kitchen, still holding Bobby under her arm.  
  
"Yup." Madi popped the P with a small laugh.  
  
"Pasta?" He raised an eyebrow at her and she nodded slowly with the same grin. "What about some mac and cheese?"  
  
"No." the little girl frowned and crossed her arms with a frown.  
  
"So you like Pasta and you like cheese but you don't want mac and cheese?" he frowned confused, kids were weird.  
  
"Hot wet rice!" She jumped up and down excitedly.  
  
"What the h-," he cut himself off before he swore, Clarke would kill him if she knew he swore in front of Madi.  
  
"NANA!!!" the sound of Madi screaming made Bellamy jump.  
  
"She gets moody when she's hungry," Aurora explained quickly as she walked into the kitchen. "Madi, please don't scream."  
  
"Hot wet rice!" She jumped up and down excitedly.  
  
"Okay, I'll heat some up, whats the magic word?" Aurora raised her eyebrow at Madi slowly.  
  
"Please." Madi smiled brightly at Aurora.  
  
Bellamy watched his mother pull a container of their left of risotto out of the fridge and dish out a bowl for Madi. The little girl just bounced up and down as she waited for her food.  
  
"So risotto is hot wet rice?" Bellamy raised his eyebrow slowly.  
  
"Murphy calls it that and Madi likes copying him." Aurora shrugged taking the bowl out of the microwave and taking it to the table.  
  
"So Murphy is around Madi a lot?" Bellamy frowned as he followed his mom.  
  
“Raven and Murphy see Madi twice a month,” Aurora spoke quietly as she helped Madi into her chair.  
  
“Birdie?” Madi looked up at Aurora with a big grin spread across her face.  
  
“Bell was asking about Aunt Birdie and Uncle Murphy,” Aurora explained and kissed the top of Madi’s head gently.  
  
“Birdie and Doodoo.” Madi let out a lively giggle as she looked between Aurora and Bellamy.  
  
“Uncle Murphy is going to love that name.” Aurora laughed and shook her head slowly. “After you finish eating, you and Bell can watch a movie.”  
  
Madi mumbled something that must have been her agreeing as she shovelled the rice dish into her mouth.  
  
——— ——— ——— ———  
  
Bellamy knew Echo was going to be pissed when she got home but honestly, he didn’t care, Madi needed to come first. He spent the whole afternoon with her before letting his Mom give her a bath before he read her a story until she fell asleep.  
  
He was right Echo was pissed when she got home, she stared daggers at him during dinner and muttered things under her breath constantly. He was dreading the fight that was going to happen when he went back to the room after Madi had fallen asleep.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing?” Echo snapped as soon as he walked into the bedroom.  
  
“She’s my daughter, I’m spending time with her.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat down on the bed with a huff.  
  
“No, you have a child you need to be concentrating on not her.” She shook her head at him.  
  
“Would you calm down? You’re being ridiculous.” He groaned frustrated.  
  
“I’m being ridiculous? You’re putting stress on me.” She stood in front of him trying to focus his attention on her. “Do you want what happened last time to happen again?”  
  
“You’re putting the stress on yourself by working yourself up over nothing! She’s my daughter, Madi and our baby are my priority over everything else.” He snapper standing up. “I’m getting in the shower.” He walked into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door.  
  
——— ——— ——— ———  
  
Bellamy climbed into bed straight after his long shower. He spent the last hour in the shower trying to calm down and figure out what he was going to do. He wanted to end it with Echo but he wanted to be there for the baby. He knew Echo was the type of person who would keep the baby away from him just because they broke up.  
  
He inwardly groaned as he felt Echo’s hands run over his chest. She dragged her bottom lip over his shoulder as she moved to kiss his neck.  
  
“Not tonight.” He grumbled as he moved away from her touch.  
  
“The baby is making me horny.” She climbed on top of him and crushed her lips against his.  
  
He could feel her hips grind against his groin, he cursed as he felt himself get hard. He couldn’t help but let out a moan.  
  
“Not tonight Echo.” He picked her up by her hips and moved her off him.  
  
“Bellamy.” Echo groaned and started to climb on top of him again.  
  
Bellamy could hear the door of the bedroom opening and soft crying. He pushed Echo off him again as the bedroom door opened. He could see Madi's tiny figure standing at the door, Bobby the dragon in one hand and her other hand rubbing her eyes as she cried softly.  
  
"Bell?" Madi sobbed as she took a few steps into the room slowly.  
  
"Are you okay?" Bellamy asked quietly as he got out of bed slowly.  
  
Before he could get to her, Echo had made it off the bed and over to Madi. The little girl moved away from the older woman and tried to make it over to Bellamy but Echo had a hold on Madi's arm.  
  
"No! Want Bell!" Madi screamed not liking being touched by Echo.  
  
"Echo, let go of her!" Bellamy snapped seeing red as Echo yanked Madi's arm.  
  
A loud pain and terror-filled scream left Madi's lips before Bellamy grabbed Echo's arm forcing her to let go of Madi. He scooped Madi up into his arms as he death stared Echo.  
  
"How dare you? Stay the hell away from my daughter." He growled as he tried to comfort Madi.  
  
Aurora flew up the stairs at the sound of her granddaughter crying, she glared at Echo as she watched her son growl at her.  
  
"Mom, she's hurt." Bellamy gave his mother a panicked look.  
  
"Come to Nanna, baby girl," Aurora spoke quietly as she tried to take Madi but the little girl refused to leave Bellamy's arms.  
  
"It's okay, I'm here." Bellamy kissed the top of her head as she cried still.  
  
"We need to get her to the ER." Aurora disappeared into her room to grab her bag.  
  
Bellamy followed Aurora as she headed downstairs, he shot a look at Echo as she started to follow them.  
  
"No, you're not coming," Bellamy growled at Echo loudly.  
  
"I'm coming." Echo stared him down, usually would cave and give her what she wanted when she'd do something like this but this time he was mad.  
  
"She can come and explain to Clarke what she did to Madi then she can come back, pack up her stuff and get the hell out of my house." Aurora shot a look up at Echo as she reached the front door.  
  
Madi was shaking as she cried into Bellamy's chest. Bellamy felt useless because the only thing he could do was hold Madi close and try to comfort her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that!  
> Let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys  
> Here's a new Chapter  
> I hope you enjoy it

Bellamy sat on the hospital bed cradling Madi as she cried, he stroked her hair gently as she curled up onto his lap more. He knew Clarke was going to be pissed at him and that this was probably the last time she’d let him around Madi again. He wanted to savour every moment with her if Clarke wasn’t going to let him see her again. He wouldn’t blame Clarke if she didn’t let him see her again, he let Echo into Madi’s life, he gave Echo access to her and Echo hurt her. He could still feel the anger boiling up inside of him as he felt Echo’s eyes bore into him.  
  
Bellamy looked up slowly when Clarke came in slowly, he kissed Madi’s head gently before getting up to let Clarke take his place. He didn’t take his eyes off Madi as he moved across the room to lean against the wall.  
  
“Mommy!” Madi started to cry again and Bellamy felt his heartbreak as he watches his daughter cry into her mother’s chest.  
  
“I’m here baby.” Clarke held her close and kissed her head gently.  
  
When the nurse came in with paperwork for Clarke to fill in, he wanted to offer to do it but he knew he had no right. He was surprised Clarke hadn’t kicked him out yet. He watched his mother take the paperwork and sit in the chair near the bed to fill out the paperwork.  
  
“Madi Aurora Blake,” Clarke spoke quietly but those three words made Bellamy’s heart swell, Clarke had given Madi his last name.  
  
He didn’t deserve that kindness from Clarke, he was a horrible person to her and was cold-hearted when she needed love and support. Yet she had given Madi his last name, she could’ve named her Griffin but she chose Blake. He admired her for it and it made him realise that she knew he could step up and be Madi’s father.  
  
It was almost like everything was starting to clear up for him, the fog was lifting in his brain. Clarke respected him as Madi’s father even though he had never even made a move to be her father. Clarke didn’t replace him with Roan as Madi’s father, despite the fact that she easily could’ve and that man was more of a father to Madi than Bellamy ever was. He couldn’t let himself fuck this up again. Clarke was giving him a chance, everyone was giving him a chance and chances like these don’t last forever.  
  
“I thought Griffin was her last name,” Aurora spoke quietly.  
  
“No, everyone assumed it was Griffin, I didn’t correct them,” Clarke spoke quietly.  
  
Bellamy watched carefully as the nurse came back in to give Madi the IV. He was surprised when his daughter watched the needle go in without even flinching. She was a tough little girl, she got that from her mother. He just silently watched as Madi fell asleep in Clarke’s arms. His chest ached as he watched the nurses take Madi out of the room on another bed.  
  
“Clarke, I’m sorry.” Bellamy's voice gave away how much he was worried about Madi.  
  
“What the hell happened?” Clarke crossed her arms slowly, Bellamy could tell that she was mad and he was going to cop it.  
  
A silence fell amongst them as Clarke watched Bellamy look at Echo then back at Clarke.  
  
“What the fuck happened? I dropped our daughter off to you and 9 hours later she’s in the emergency room.” Clarke narrowed her eyes at Bellamy and his nerves were getting worse as he shifted his weight on his feet. “What the fuck happened in those 9 hours?”  
  
“She was being a brat and was throwing a tantrum.” Echo rolled her eyes. “She did it to herself.” Echo shrugged.  
  
“Bellamy?” Clarke’s voice was less aggressive but more demanding.  
  
“Madi came into my room after having a nightmare.” Bellamy started but Echo cut him off.  
  
“Bell, I’m tired, let’s go home.” Echo complained, he didn’t want to hear her voice but he knew he was going to cop it from her for not listening to her.  
  
“Echo grabbed Madi’s arm and pulled her back to her room but Madi fought back. That’s when it happened.” Bellamy finished explaining as he felt Echo get up and grab his arm tightly.  
  
“Bellamy, let’s go.” Echo pulled on his arm but Bellamy moved his arm out of her grip and shook his head at her.  
  
“My daughter just got sedated to have her shoulder put in place after you dislocated it.” Bellamy looked at her. “I’m not going anywhere, get a cab or something.”  
  
“Are you seriously going to talk to me like that?” Echo raised her eyebrow at him. “Let’s go.” Her voice got low and aggressive.  
  
Bellamy let out a sigh and started to head for the door, he didn’t want to deal with this now but she was making him. He needed this to be over with this, he needed to end it and tell her that he only wanted to talk to her about the baby from now on.  
  
“That’s what I fucking thought. No fucking backbone.” Echo spoke through her teeth. “Fucking pussy.”  
  
Bellamy’s shoulders slouched and he hung his head, this was fucking embarrassing. He wanted to be done with her but he knew she’d always be in his life because of the baby. He didn’t regret the baby but he regretted having the baby with her.  
  
“You can’t talk to him like that,” Clarke spoke up causing Echo to glare at her. “Bell? You don’t have to go, you can stay here until Madi gets out.”  
  
“He’s taking me home.” Echo pushed Bellamy toward the door more.  
  
“I want to stay.” Bellamy protested but Echo pushed him out the door, he wanted Clarke to know that he wanted to be there for their daughter.  
  
\----- ------ ----- ----- ---- ---- ---- -- -  
  
Bellamy remained silent for the majority of the car trip and didn’t speak until they got into the house. He was angry and beyond pissed off about everything.  
  
“How could you let her talk to me like that?” Echo snapped as they walked into the house.  
  
“You hurt our daughter, she has every right to talk to you like that.” Bellamy narrowed his eyes at Echo.  
  
He could see the anger boiling up in Echo but he didn’t care. He could hear his mother’s footsteps behind him, he knew his mom was going to flip out on Echo as well.  
  
“We’re done, Echo.” He spoke again before Echo could say anything. “I can’t do this with you anymore, you hurt my daughter and you don’t even regret it.”  
  
“You can’t break up with me!” Echo snapped loudly, running her hand through her hair. “We’re having a baby.”  
  
“And I will be there for the baby but I can’t be with you.” Bellamy kept his voice calm as he watched her slowly.  
  
“That’s bullshit.” Echo shook her head. “Come on, we’re going to bed.” She grabbed Bellamy’s arm but he ripped it out of her grip.  
  
“We’re done, Echo.” The tone of his voice gave it away that he was being dead serious. “I’ll be there for the baby but there is no us anymore. Get your stuff and get out.”  
  
“You’re being ridiculous, I’m tired and we’re going to bed.” Echo huffed and turned to go upstairs.  
  
“My son wants you gone,” Aurora spoke up. “Get your things and get the fuck out of my house.” Aurora put herself between Bellamy and Echo but Echo didn’t move. “Get the fuck out of my house.”  
  
Echo stomped her food frustrated and walked out of the house with a huff. Aurora locked the front door and turned to Bellamy slowly.  
  
“Are you okay?” Aurora’s voice was full of concern as she watched her son carefully.  
  
“I’m okay.” Bellamy nodded slowly and hugged Aurora tightly. “I’m going to text Clarke and get her to call me when they have an update of Madi.”  
  
“Try to get some sleep tonight and go see her tomorrow, Clarke and Roan will appreciate the help.” Aurora smiled slowly, she was proud of her son, he was finally starting to step up and be the father he needs to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed that  
> let me know what you thought

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Please let me know what you think. I will be replying to all comments!


End file.
